2010: What's Next?

I'm getting a late start to New Year's Traditions, I know. But I figure the 6th is as good as the 1st for deciding how I want the new year to go. One of the greatest problems facing me is our infertility. Mark's been tested; all his junk works just fine. I've already given birth once, and the pregnancy was not planned, so we know I'm not the problem. All my dreams and goals have focused on having a large family. Without intervention or adoption, those dreams die.

Which leaves me a little rudderless, surprisingly. I always thought I had a bigger vision than just the earthly stuff. I believed (believe?) that serving others will lead to more contentment and fulfillment than pursuing your own ends, for example. If I don't have a nice house or an iPhone or a Mercedes, I'll be fine because I have a purpose. But with Burgundy almost grown and no more children apparent, I feel lost and confused.

We could foster to adopt. We could adopt from the US or from another country. We could get Burgundy through college and then be international jet-setters. We have all these options, and none of them really appeal to me right now.

So for lack of direction, mission, purpose, here are my 2010 resolutions:

1. Save my marriage. Granted, I can't do this alone, but he's giving it everything, too. I can be present; I can serve him; I can show him love and grace.
2. Tithe regularly at our church. I don't personally believe that all of my tithe has to go to the church, but I am in the unique and somewhat rare position of believing that my church basically is doing all the right things. They're getting out of debt, spending modestly, supporting missions I want to see supported, and they're a strong, essential part of our community. Even before I attended there, I knew who they were and what they did for our community; I want to support our church with our money.
3. Finish our six-month emergency fund.
4. Replace Mark's car using cash on hand.
5. Put the finishing touches on all the projects that JB completed:
1. Putty and paint the trim in the bathroom around the tub
2. Install the new vanity and sink in the master bathroom
3. Putty, caulk, and paint the baseboards and the trim around the new door
4. Install baseboards in the guest bathroom, putty and paint them
6. Limit eating out to twice a week. We eat out way too much, so much that it's more like we dine in twice a week. Our health is suffering as a result. I'm perpetually nauseous. I have pretty much everything I could ever hope to need for cooking at home, and now I have Julia Child, too. It's time to use her.

I think that's enough, really. I have a subscription to Mothering magazine that I bought in April 2008 when I found out we were pregnant. It doesn't run out until May of 2011. I think it's the biggest punishment I've ever settled on myself: a reminder every other month of the life I can't have. Let's see what I can make of the life I've got.