Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Vacation Day 3 - Adventures of a Snot Junky

First, @($*TWERJGOIW#%)(T&Q#$%)(*#$%@#)(*%@RJGFSDFGJW#$!


There. I feel better having gotten that out of my system. Saturday night, I laid down for bed, and the roof of my mouth started itching. This is a warning sign of an impending allergy attack, so I leapt up, guzzled a glass of water and an allergy pill, and my sinuses promptly exploded in a shower of unwanted, stubborn snot.

Sunday Mark did most of the preparation and packing for our vacation while I moped around, occasionally throwing myself across the couch and moaning, "Oh woe! WOE! Why me? Why now? What have I done to deserve this?" and blowing my nose and wiping my runny eyes.

Mark drove to San Marcos while I knitted, bitched fairly consistently about everything, occasionally wept,  and pouted.

When we arrived in San Marcos at our neighbor's beautiful second home she graciously offered to us, we all unloaded the car while I continued to whine and the snot continued to flow. I collapsed into bed at the first opportunity and cried. Like a big baby. Because I'm on vacation and suffering one of the worst, most painful allergy attacks I've had in years.

In what I'm certain is completely unrelated news, we celebrated Pi day on our arrival by splitting a bottle of Shiner Bock and eating Moon Pies. Burgundy had an orange Fanta.

Monday I managed to drag myself into consciousness long enough to note that I could not stand without dizziness from the congestion, and my ears and throat hurt horrifically. I told Burgundy that it felt like someone was stabbing a needle into my ear. Burgundy and I drove into town, where I called Christi for help. She recommended Zyrtec D. I dropped $23 without hesitation and took one in the parking lot.

We drove to the Prime Outlet Malls for girl shopping time, where I slavered and swore and tried not to drown in my own snot while finding a parking spot.

We shopped. Not as much as Burgundy would have liked and a little too much for my liking, but we both picked up some nice and needed stuff.

Once home, Mark announced that he'd found free venues in Austin. I almost stayed home, but Mark really wanted me to go. We saw a band called Trey Brown at the Mohawk on Red River, and Mark and Burgundy saw a documentary about chip music at Alamo Draft House. By the time it started at 10, I felt fairly certain that my own death by cranial implosion was imminent, so I parked the car, kicked the seat back, and slept until they called to say they were done. I took another Zyrtec on the way home and fell into bed in a heap upon arrival.

I woke several times throughout the night to blow rivers of snot out of my sinuses. Rivers. I'm pretty sure I blew the Amazon out of my nose last night.

This morning I woke at around 9 AM and took another Zyrtec. I made a heavenly quiche this morning chock full of leeks and kale. I downed it with potentially lethal coffee and some revoltingly sweet orange juice. I really wish I had thought to bring my Vitamin C tablets.

Now I'm sitting in the garage, borrowing a neighbor's unlocked wireless and telling you about the amazing adventures of a Snot Mommy.

I'm desperate enough to try my last resort remedy, one that works pretty well but is beyond the pale in terms of its Nasty Factor: 1 table spoon of apple cider vinegar, a bit of water, and some honey. I will drink it, and it will clear my systems - all of them - out. For a little while, anyway.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, oh, oh! How awful...but funny post...thank you for giving us a bit of a laugh at your expense...takes real courage and humility! Cranial implosion...hahhahaha...