Oh, and About Food

In spite of my resolve to ignore my weight and just live a healthy life, I've been doing neither. I've been beating up on myself and stuffing my face with unadulterated crap.

Day before yesterday, my afternoon snack was a Jack in the Box hamburger with a Dr. Pepper and an Oreo milkshake. Yesterday, I had a Whataburger Jr. with small fries and Dr. Pepper. This is ridiculous. Not because "Oh woe is me, I'm a fatty fat fat" but because it's garbage. And I'm stuffing it into my body.

Meanwhile, I'm allowing my internal monologue to get way out of control with the self-deprecating diatribe. Yes, I'm a bit of a fatty, but I'm a cute fatty, thank you very much. It is ridiculous for me to entertain self-loathing. Not because I'm free to do whatever I want when I want, to stuff my face and act like the Fat Bastard, but because I'm beautifully made, and it's fitting and appropriate to honor that by taking care of myself and loving myself.

I'm not talking about losing weight. I'm talking about being healthy. I had a dream last night that I received an offer to have any unwanted fatty deposits zapped from my body. My first reaction, in the dream, was to be terribly offended. This is my fat, bub, so you'd best step back. I couldn't think of any fat that I wanted to have removed! Later I realized it would be nice to get rid of my "bye-bye arms" (you know, when your arm keeps waving after your hand has stopped?), and boy was I annoyed when I woke up and still had them!

Anyway, I woke up marvelling at the idea of being so okay with my fat that I wouldn't want it gone. Interesting idea.

So I plan to post each day what I eat for the day. This is simply to keep me accountable to myself. It's easy to go on a fast-food binge and wake up to discover it's been going on for a couple of weeks. It's not so easy if I'm blogging what I eat every day.

So for today, December 16, 2009:
Breakfast: Leftover vegetarian enchilada with onion, beans, garlic, corn, peppers, and enchilada sauce on a whole wheat tortilla. Washed down with gingerbread coffee, a gift from a swap partner for Christmas.

Lunch: Repeat of breakfast: just leftovers. In fact, I forgot about a planned company luncheon. We went to Perry's Grill, a phenomenal local restaurant that's very highly rated by whoever decides these things. Black tie sort of place. They have what they call a four-finger pork chop; they're famous for it. Guaranteed to be as thick as the width of your four fingers. On Wednesdays and Fridays, you can get it for $10.95 (very good price; next cheapest meal on the menu starts at $15). I had it with potatoes au gratin and applesauce. I resisted the call of the Dr. Pepper because I knew I only wanted it because I felt I should spend more money. Is that stupid or what? Anyway, the food. O! How delicious. I did require caffeine to stay awake in the afternoon, so . . .

Snack: I also had a cup of European sipping chocolate. I picked up some raw milk this past Saturday (another post on that later, whew!), so I heated a bit of it and made the sipping chocolate as instructed on the tin I received as a gift day before yesterday. It was phenomenal.

Snacks available: right now, I have a mini-loaf of tomato basil bread that I made on Sunday. I'll munch on it if I need to. We'll see. I did have a small slice of the mini-loaf, but nothing more.

Evening: Julia made vegetarian shepherd's pie - delicious, but not the real thing. You need real beef for that. I snacked on a couple of small pieces of chocolate and made sure to drink a couple of tall glasses of water. I had a wonderful St. Arnold Christmas Ale.

Small victories: Did not order the soda I didn't really want; did not stop for a fast food snack while out running errands with Mark in the evening; did not drink more coffee in the evening. And I wanted it. But it's bad for me, and I'm not doing it.