Thursday, January 14, 2010

Bad, Evil, Naughty, WICKED Mom

My daughter has a love-hate relationship with the Twilight novels. She's absolutely repulsed by Edward's character and by RPatz (how can a mom get any more lucky?).

The knitters had decided to have a Crappy Gift Exchange after Christmas, the premise being that everyone received at least one useless, un-re-giftable crappy Christmas gift, and we would offload them onto each other. Hannah brought a gift from her husband: a giant poster of Robert Pattinson grinning like a fool who'd been hit with a skillet.

Her husband had bought it and spent about two weeks springing it on her in unsuspecting moments. For example, once he waited until she was in the shower shampooing her hair, then plastered it against the glass shower doors and held it there until she rinsed her hair, opened her eyes, and [naturally] screamed. Another time, he hid the poster under the covers on her side of the bed so RPatz' Doofus Grin (tm) was the last thing Hannah saw before turning out the lights.

Well, Burgundy saw the poster and gagged. She made a big production of how horrifically unattractive she finds poor, dejected RPatz. Meanwhile, the knitter who "won" the poster is a normal adult with a healthy sexual perspective. Therefore, she had no interest in keeping the poster. So while Burgundy wasn't watching, I snuck it into my trunk.

And this morning, after she left for school, I did this:

[insert maniacal cackling here]

Have a great day, everyone!